“Just stay positive!”
“Someone always has it worse than you”
“Look at the bright side!”
How many times have you heard these phrases?
If you are/were someone struggling with mental health, you’ve probably heard these a lot. People think these phrases help immensely when it comes to mental health. Well then, why don’t they try saying the same to someone with a leg fracture? “It’s okay, just get up and keep going”. That wouldn’t exactly work out, would it? Why don’t we give the same importance and awareness to mental health as we give to physical health?
The hostile and pointless positivity that people try to support others with is called Toxic positivity. It’s the pressure to display only positive emotions by suppressing all other negative emotions and feelings. This leads to isolation and turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Sure, looking at the bright side helps but completely dismissing one’s emotions in favor of a false narrative is very impractical. Toxic positivity is a form of gaslighting. By insisting that they are not focusing on the positive, you are also invalidating their feelings and making them feel like they’re in the wrong.
Toxic positivity impacts mental health in the following ways-
1) By telling someone that their emotions should be covered up with a smile, you are triggering shame and guilt in the person for feeling this way.
2) It impacts and breaks connections. If you continuously get dismissed when reaching out for help to your friends, you’ll eventually stop talking to them and sharing things with them.
3) Suppressing your emotions (denying what your body is trying to tell you) leads to increase in stress in the body.
4) Prevents growth
5) Decreases self-efficacy
It is important to stay optimistic about the present and the future. However, there is a fine line between toxic positivity and optimism that must not be crossed. Motivating someone also includes accepting what they’re feeling at the moment, finding out ways to improve the situation and then move forward. Maintaining a happy face through a traumatic situation is incredibly difficult. It can seem difficult to look at the positives of a situation when there really isn’t any. It’s important to allow yourself to express your emotions. When you feel like crying, let it out. Don’t bottle it all in. Crying helps to detoxify the body and self-soothe. Just like the water in an aquarium is changed and refilled every 2-3 weeks, we also need to once in a while let out the burden we’ve been carrying.
It’s high time we identify toxic positivity and learn to stop it once and for all. Instead of advising someone to maintain a happy face always, listen to them and promise to be there for them. Let them know their feelings are valid and that bad things happen at times. We have to accept what has happened. Failure and setbacks are a part of life and cannot be avoided. Instead of squashing the problem with a “positive-vibes mindset”, look at it with a problem-solving mindset instead. No one can be happy or satisfied all the time in life. It is completely okay to not feel okay. Be gentle and compassionate towards yourself and those around you
